Solo Poly. Guidelines for myself: why is solamente polyamory work with me

Clear communication. We choose to not ever get extremely emotionally spent or perhaps profoundly a part of those who can’t or won’t communicate obviously, actually and forthrightly about their demands, desires, boundaries, emotions, sex, and intimate health. Or whom can’t look for a real way to concentrate freely if you ask me whenever I want to communicate these exact things. I need clear answers — and I will keep asking until I get that clarity when I ask important questions.

We don’t do lukewarm or ambivalent

We just remain intimately, romantically, or emotionally enthusiastic about fans whom behave with me or otherwise connect with me like they are attracted to me, appreciate me, and enjoy my company enough to put forth some effort to spend time. And whom don’t be seemingly notably conflicted or ambivalent about their participation beside me. This is applicable for casual and periodic connections along with much much much deeper ongoing relationships. We don’t need (or desire) nonstop intense attention; but way too much ambivalence, diffidence or passivity turn me off time that is big. And also this relates to circumstances the place where a lover that is potential appear to sound a viewpoint, make plans, or come to a decision without constantly checking with another person first for authorization; ambivalence rooted in too little autonomy turns me personally down just as much as ambivalence rooted in too little interest or effort.

Safer intercourse. We completely enjoy safer sex, with condoms along with other practices as appropriate. Unbarriered penetrative sex (“fluid bonding“) will not greatly increase my real pleasure or emotional satisfaction, nor does it denote any such thing unique about my relationships. I’ve discovered my relationships are easier, safer much less drama-prone when I’m in line with all lovers about safer intercourse. Speaking about sexual likes, desires, and wellness is an essential (and enjoyable!) element of that procedure. Additionally, when I don’t feel i must surveil or micromanage my partners’ (and their partners’) intercourse life, that can help us all relax – and so have better intercourse. Consequently i opt for condoms for vaginal and rectal intercourse (those activities that will express the best danger in my experience), and I also keep in touch with lovers to judge other risks/circumstances and adjust as required.

In rare circumstances i might choose to have unbarriered intercourse sometimes or frequently with a particular partner — but as long as we’ve been using condoms for some time, and I’m satisfied that their STI status/testing, behavior, and character warrant this level of trust. And in addition whenever we agree in advance that time for utilizing condoms wouldn’t be seen as downgrading our psychological intimacy or intimate connection. Lovers whom need no condoms to be able to close feel emotionally if you ask me, or even enjoy intercourse after all, aren’t intimately suitable for me personally.

Preserve autonomy

My autonomy is vital to me personally. I usually make an effort to just just just simply take lovers and metamours into consideration, and I also am frequently affected by them, but i shall perhaps not alter myself entirely to accommodate them. Nor am I going to enable other people the ability to accept, constrain or veto my choices, including those involving my relationships along with other individuals. I shall perhaps perhaps not immediately follow anyone else’s issues, preferences, biases, priorities, fears, or grudges. Nor can I cave directly into guilt trips, acting away, manipulation, or other pressure that is similar at changing or managing me personally.

Integrity and duty. We don’t assist people cheat, and We don’t be involved in don’t-ask-don’t tell plans. If I’m someone that is dating includes a main partner (or current significant non-primary lovers), I’d frequently want to ensure with those current lovers that their relationship is indeed actually start before things have more included than a couple of times. (I like to make the journey to understand my metamours, anyhow.) Additionally, we will maybe perhaps not lie to a metamour to be able to protect someone.